March 10, 2026

Grape Things Are Happening!

Recently my personal shopper came back with a bunch of the largest grapes I’ve ever seen. My first reaction was to send one of the grapes to Washington. It certainly was in the running for the biggest, roundest grape in the United States, in America, the world, the solar system, etc. I personally would be happy to accompany it to a White House ceremony, whereby Trump would award it with a National Congressional Medal of Bigly and hang a solid, fake gold medal around its neck (if it has a neck).

Alternatively I sit at the table, fork poised upright in my left hand, knife similarly positioned on the right, napkin tucked under my chin ,ready to dive into the grape of the century. Let the feast begin! Make America Grape Again!